On this day in 1843,
around a thousand people (including children) in Elm Grove, Missouri got on
their covered wagons, horses, skateboards and DeLorean DMC-12s and headed west. The train was led by Diana Prince (a.k.a. Wonder
Woman) and Steve Austin (a.k.a. The Six Million Dollar Man) and consisted of
over 100 wagons, 5,000 herd cattle and one invisible airplane.
Prior to heading out,
the brave travelers had planned their journey by playing the online game Oregon
Trail. The settlers were unnecessarily
concerned about Indian attacks and believed they could protect themselves by
putting their wagons in two giant circles when sleeping. Wonder Woman and The Six Million Dollar Man
slept in the center of each circle because they were superheroes. Ultimately, the settlers learned that the
real threat was falling off horses, drowning in rivers, falling rocks, disease
and Bigfoot. Thankfully, Steve Austin
utilized his powerful bionic implants to personally take care of the Bigfoot
issue.
Surprisingly or not
really surprisingly because they had Wonder Woman and The Six Million Dollar
Man with them, nearly all the settlers arrived in western Oregon safe and
sound. There they prospered. Diana Prince and Steve Austin went on to have
lucrative careers in television.
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